


Every Time I Doubt, Every Time I Lose

by K1mHeechu1



Category: Figure Skating RPF, Sports RPF
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Fake Moustaches, Fluff, M/M, Romance, Yuzu with a moustache 2k19, sorta - Freeform, this is a fucking mess
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-26
Updated: 2019-01-26
Packaged: 2019-10-16 11:24:43
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,337
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17548784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/K1mHeechu1/pseuds/K1mHeechu1
Summary: Every time I fail, every time I fallGive me strength soI can become strongerEvery time I doubt, every time I loseYou made me grow this muchOr: It's Javi's last competition, and Yuzuru is a mess.A mess with a passport, a fake moustache, and a plan.





	Every Time I Doubt, Every Time I Lose

**Author's Note:**

> FUCKING FINALLY!
> 
> I've been writing and rewriting this story for days.
> 
> This is a mess.
> 
> This was supposed to be crack. It obviously isn't.
> 
> Proof read? Don't know her. Literally finished this 5 minutes ago and haven't even spell checked it, so yikes, and I'm sorry lol.
> 
>  (EDIT: This was posted before the Men FS even started, so from SP onwards it's all fiction. Just warning lol)
> 
> GANBATTE JAVI!
> 
> Find me crying about Javi on Twitter or Instagram @K1mHeechu1.
> 
> Happy reading!

“JAAAAAAVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!”

 

“Ooof!” Javier stumbled back, trying to keep his balance as long arms tightened his hold around his body. He laughed and hugged back. “Hi Jason, how are you?”

 

“Great! It’s going to be great having you training here! I’ve wanted to see what it was like training with you for a while before you retire.” Javier simply let go of the hug and patted his shoulder. “Have you seen Tracy and Brian yet?” Javier nodded.

 

“Yeah, I met them yesterday. I’m not training today, too jet lagged. But I will start tomorrow, I just came to say hi.”

 

“It’s great to see you! I have to head to dance lesson, but I’ll see you on the ice!”

 

Javier shook his head, smiling as Jason disappeared as quickly as he had appeared. He headed down to the actual rink, stepping in to see there was only one person on the ice, stroking around, lost in thought.

 

He smiled.

 

“WHAT, YOU DON’T SAY HELLO TO AN OLD RIVAL NOW?”

 

Yuzuru turned around so fast, he almost lost his balance and fell face first onto the ice, mouth  falling open from the surprise that quickly turned into a huge smile.

 

“JAVIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!” He started skating towards Javier, who instantly tensed in preparation, knowing what was coming.

 

Letting out a grunt, Javier caught Yuzuru’s body, as he had jumped the second he was close enough, and laughed out loud, squeezing his arms around his waist and Yuzuru tightened his hold around Javier’s shoulders, muttering things in japanese so quickly and quietly that Javier was sure he wouldn’t have understood a single thing even if he had been fluent in the language.

 

“Hi Yuzu.” He whispered in Yuzuru’s ear. Yuzuru let go of him, grinning from ear to ear.

 

“Hi Javi. I missed you.”  The tone of Yuzuru’s voice made his insides feel like goo. He lifted his hand to pat his shoulder in a friendly manner.

 

“I missed you too.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru stared at Javier as he drilled jumps with Ghislain, 4S after 4S after 4S.

 

He bit his lip, fiddling with his water bottle.

 

It was easy.

 

The second Javier had arrived they had fallen back into their same old pattern. Yuzuru arrived early, warmed up, and hit the ice.

 

Javier got there about half an hour later,  coffee in hand, and leisurely got ready to start training.  

 

They helped each other up when they fell, and Yuzuru moved Javier's bottle back to its rightful place every time he went to take a drink and found that Javier had left anywhere but where it was supposed to be,  because he knew Javier wouldn't be able to find it when he went grab it later.

 

Javier made Yuzuru laugh when he began focusing too much,  and Yuzuru challenged Javier to small competitions to get him focusing when his thoughts started to drift away.

 

It was easy to forget this was not just another season,  another competition.

 

Javier was leaving in three weeks, and he wouldn't be coming back.

 

He  was training double the amount of time he usually would to actually be ready in time for Euros.

 

He was leaving later,  tired, but with a look that shouted he was actually satisfied with his efforts.

 

Yuzuru spent hours before bed just thinking.  He couldn't stop thinking.

 

Javier was leaving.

 

Javier was not only retiring,  but leaving Toronto for good, moving back to Spain,  and out of his life.

 

He would only see it a few days a year,  maybe, if they both did the same ice shows,  and that was it.

 

Yuzuru knew Javier would promise to stay in contact,  but it would be a lie. Not because he didn't mean it,  but because it wouldn't last. They would talk frequently the first few weeks,  probably, then they would talk once a week, then once a month, and then their contact would be limited to obligatory happy birthdays and Happy New Years, if they even bothered at all.

 

Yuzuru was terrified.  

 

He didn't make friends easily,  he was too cautious, too intense, far too self-centered and goal-oriented.  He needed to be the best, do better than his best, win against himself at all cost.

 

People tended to idealise how being friends with Yuzuru Hanyu would be,  but from the people that were actually given a chance, most of them would run for the hills the second they realised he was not his public image.  His only friends consisted in people he saw in competitions and ice shows, other skaters with whom he'd hang out and talk for a few days, and then go their separate ways for months.

 

But Javier was different.  Javier didn't attack Yuzuru for being how he was,  but he definitely didn't allow him to get so far in his head he'd be disconnected from the world.  Javier had taken every single thing about Yuzuru in stride, and gave him no choice but to be his friend.

 

Javier was his biggest rival for years,  but now that they were no longer being pitted against each other for gold, Yuzuru could recognise Javier was his biggest and bestest friend.

 

Javier was his only real friend.

 

And now he was leaving.  And Yuzuru was going to be alone,  and friendless again.

 

And he was terrified.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Javier kept going out at night to have dinner with friends, and going places and out for a few drinks, and saying goodbye to his life in Toronto.

 

Yuzuru watched from the side, keeping a smile on his face, but he felt like time was slipping through his fingers and he had no way to make it stop and keep Javier forever

 

“Hey Yuzu...” He looked up from where he was taking his headphones out of their case, and found Javier standing in front of him. “I know you will probably say no, but, would you like to come have dinner at my house tonight? We can order whatever takeaway you want, and watch a couple of films, or play games or whatever… I just… since tomorrow is a rest day… Or we can go to a restaurant, if you want...” Javier looked… insecure? Why?

 

It then hit Yuzuru that, over the past 7 years, Javier had invited him to his house on multiple occasions. And Yuzuru had always said no. They only met each other in restaurants and cafés, but never had they gone to the other’s house. Inwardly, he took a deep breathe.

 

“Yes, why not? I have dinner with Javi at Javi house.” He answered with a fake smile that became real the second he saw the happiness lighting up Javier’s eyes.

 

“Really?” He nodded. “Oh, great, that’s great! Are you ready? Of course you’re ready, what am I asking? Okay, let’s go!”

 

Yuzuru bit back a smile, sending a quick text to his mum to let her know he was having dinner with Javier, and that he’d probably be back late.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Apparently, Yuzuru thought as he devoured his food, mexican cuisine was really good, and he loved it. Who would’ve thought.

 

Javier had just laughed at him while biting into his own food.

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Hey Yuzu”

 

“Hmm?”

 

“I have something for you.” Javier handed him an envelope. Yuzuru opened it, eyes widening at the content. “It’s just a silly thing really, take it as a memento. Something to keep as a souvenir.”

 

“But, Javi why give?”

 

“Well, they were given to me to give to someone special. Originally, I thought of giving them to someone else. But a couple of months ago, I began to realise that I needed to give them to you.”

 

Yuzuru was quiet. He was still processing what was going on.

 

“But Javi know I can’t, right?”

 

“Yeah, I know. But I didn’t give them for you to use, they’re just a silly thing, forget about them.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru smiled as he transitioned out of the sit spin and threw himself into the step sequence with abandon.

 

**_Toe steps- Slide- Twizzle- 3-turn_ **

 

_‘Are you watching? Please be watching. I need you to watch only me.’_

 

**_Chasse- Choctaw- ½ flip_ **

 

_‘I need to drill this feeling into my mind. How skating this program with you watching feels”_

 

**_Twizzle- Rocker- Counter_ **

 

_‘I need to remember how your eyes feel as I skate, because I’m never going to feel them again after you leave.’_

 

**_Edge change- Choctaw- Mohawk- Hydroblade_ **

 

His breathing was laboured as a consequence of both the demanding program and his own feelings, that were starting to get the best of him.

 

**_One-foot Axle- Bracket- Curve- Ina Bauer_ **

 

_‘Stop. Stop it Hanyu. Mind on the ice. Last time you had your head in the clouds you know what happened’_

 

**_Loop- Falling leaf- Bracket_ **

 

_‘I can’t. I can’t do this. It’s impossible.’_

 

**_Mohawk- Rocker- Counter- Loop_ **

 

_‘Enough. Enough. THAT’S ENOUGH!’_

 

**_Halt._ **

 

He just stopped moving in the middle of the ice, face buried in his hands, chest heaving, letting himself fall until his knees were on the ice.

 

“Yuzu?” He heard Brian’s voice, coloured with concern.

 

He didn’t answer.

 

He heard blades cutting the ice, and a warm hand on his back.

 

“Yuzu, what’s wrong?” _Javier._

 

Yuzuru shook his head, fighting the tears that were threatening to fall. He would not cry. Not on the ice.

 

_‘Not in front of Javi.’_

 

He shook Javier’s hand away, and stood up. Yuzuru could already picture the hurt on Javier’s face at his action. He didn’t look.

 

“I’m fine. I need break.”

 

He quickly skated to the side, stepping off the ice and grabbing his blade guards.

 

“Hey, Yuzu, wait, what are you…” He ignored Brian, quickly putting on his blade guards. “Hey...”

 

“I be back in 10.” He didn’t look at Brian at all, walking away so fast he was almost running, and heading straight for the bathroom.

He rushed into a cubicle, and made sure to lock the door, lowering the lid and and sitting down.

 

And then he let the tears fall.

 

 _‘What the fuck is wrong with me?’_ He thought, tears falling down his cheeks as he tried his hardest to keep his breathing in check. The last thing he needed right now was an asthma attack. _‘What is this? Why am I crying?’_

 

He let out little whimpers as he cried, trying to stay as silent as he could. He didn’t want anyone to know Yuzuru Hanyu was even more of a mess than they already knew he was.

 

_‘How am I supposed to train like this? Everything was okay when Javi was not here. I could ignore it. I missed him, but that was it. But this is torture. I can’t survive like this.’_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“A what?”

 

“A short goodbye message. For Javi. For his retirement. The Olympic Channel will compile messages from all his friends and edit them together as a goodbye present.” Yuzuru scrunched his nose. “Yuzu, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want, I know you don’t like media all that much, and this will be all over social media when Euros start.” Brian stared at him, understanding in his eyes.

 

“I do it. But I record and send. No having other person do. I don’t want people.”

 

“I think no one will say no to that.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“You want to what?”

 

“You free tomorrow on free day, right?”

 

“Yes but…”

 

“You want come with?”

 

“Yes, I do! But Yuzu…”

 

“Then what’s problem? I don’t understand.”

 

“Yuzu, you’ve been living in Toronto for 7 years and you’ve never once gone to see the Niagara falls. Why now?”

 

“Because I need Javi to go with. I know not how to get there.”

 

Javier looked at him, exceptism present in his features.

  
  
  
  
  


They spent the entire day together.

 

Javier took Yuzuru to all his favourite places in the city.

 

“Thank you, Yuzu.” He said as they watched people walk by from their table inside a warm, cozy café. “Thanks for making me go around town with you. I guess I hadn’t realised I needed it.” Javier smiled warmly at him. “Thanks, this was the closure I needed.”

 

“I had fun. Javi know really good places to see. I’m happy we go today.”

 

‘ _For you, this was closure. For me, this is only making the wound deeper. Will it close when you leave or will I just bleed to death?’_

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru spent a full day writing and rewriting his message.

 

He wanted it to be perfect.

 

It needed to be perfect.

 

_‘Javi deserves only perfection’_

 

He sat down in the dining room when his mum left to go grocery shopping, and recorded it on his phone 20 times, time and time again wincing at his awful accent.

 

He recorded it another time.

 

He froze at one point, realising how final it sounded.

 

He sent that last version. He couldn’t stop the tears to re-record again.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru bit his lip, watching Javier hugging each person one by one through the glass windows that separated the rink from the lounge.

 

Javier was saying goodbye to everyone. Today was his last day of training.

 

Yuzuru tightened his grip around the thick notebook he was holding, closing his eyes and leaning his head back onto the wall, scooting closer to the it where he sat on the wooden bench.

 

He lost himself in thought, losing track of time, until he felt someone sitting next to him.

 

“Aren’t you going to join the fun?”

 

Yuzuru opened his eyes to find Javier looking at him with a small smile.

 

He took a deep breath.

 

“Javi, can I ask for favour?”

 

“Sure, Yuzu, what is it?”

 

Yuzuru extended his arms, presenting Javier with the notebook.

 

“Can you keep safe for me? Only for a while, then I get it back.”

 

Javier grabbed the offered item, staring at it curiously.

 

“Yeah, no problem, I can do that. Just… what is it?”

 

“It’s notebook I write stupid things in for years. But I read it a lot, and now I don’t want to. I want it not with me, but not gone. I want safe, so I can read back in some time and laugh at old Yuzu.”

 

Javier patted him in the back.

 

“You got it, I’ll keep it safe until you want it back.” Javier looked at his clock. “Well, I need to get going. I have a basketball game to go to later and I need to make sure everything is ready for the flight.”

 

“You have flight tomorrow?”

 

“Yeah, not too early, you know I can’t deal with early.” He joked, making Yuzuru smile. “Hug?”

 

Yuzuru instantly leant in, closing his arms around Javier’s neck as tightly as he could allow himself to, even though he wanted to hold tighter and never let go, and felt Javier’s arms closing around his waist, as they always tended to do every time they hugged.

 

He closed his eyes, committing the feeling of Javier’s hug to his memory.

 

The way Javier’s fingers always sunk a little into his clothes when they hugged, how his breathing sounded in his ear, how warm his skin was for someone who was permanently cold, how the hold made him feel like he was both floating and anchored in place at the same time.

 

Yuzuru forced himself to let go of Javier, and smile.

 

“Good luck for Euros. I cheer for you. Ganbatte, Javi! Vamos!” He cheered, making Javier laugh.

 

“I’ll do my best to have a medal to show you during Ice shows. I’ll even take it with me to Japan if I win so you can see it.”

 

Yuzuru smiled.

 

“Bye bye, Javi.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru woke up abruptly, scrambling to sit up, and hyperventilating.

 

He instinctively tried to get his breathing back to normal, forcing himself to take deep, long breaths as he tried to stop the feeling of dread washing over him.

 

He had finally understood why he had been such a terrible mess the entire time Javier was training in Toronto the past three weeks.

 

Yuzuru Hanyu was in love with Javier Fernandez.

 

Now, before you start, Yuzuru wasn’t that much of an idiot, he had know about his crush on Javier for years now, but had decided to bury it deep and not let it see the light of day. But this was bigger. This was "I want to spend my entire life with this person" kind of love.

 

And Javier was leaving that day.

 

Javier was heading to Europe to take part in the last event of his career as a competitive figure skater.

 

Javier was retiring after Sunday.

 

And Yuzuru was not going to be there to support him.

 

Yuzuru rushed to his desk, pulling the first drawer open and pulling out an envelope, checking the contents over, and taking a deep breath.

 

‘Fuck, I can’t believe I’m doing this!’

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“YOU WANT ME TO WHAT!?”

 

“Please, please Jun, please. Do this for me. I help with jump, I teach you hydroblade, I even dance kpop with you if you want but please.”

 

Junhwan stared at Yuzuru, who was sitting in an armchair in front of him.

 

“You will teach me how to hydroblade, AND we will prepare a kpop ex that we will record together and upload to Youtube. Those are my terms.”

 

“Deal! Thank you!!” Yuzuru bowed, and Junhwan scrambled to bow back.

 

“I can’t believe you’re making me do this. Tracy and Brian will have my head when they come back.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Yu-kun, where are you going?” His mum looked up from the book she was reading, raising her eyebrows at the sight of Yuzuru carrying a backpack and a suitcase.

 

“I’m going to stay at Junhwan’s house until Monday, his mum had to go back to Korea for the week and he doesn’t like the idea of being alone for so many days. I thought it would be a good way of getting closer to him, and making him feel safer at the same time.”

 

His mum smiled.

 

“Oh, that’s a wonderful idea, Yu-kun. Your training is also a lot lighter this week, so maybe it will be good for you to take a couple of days to rest and have fun with your kouhai!”

  
  
  
  
  
  


“Here are my boots. If something happens to them I make sure your face stop being compared to a kpop Idol’s, and start compared to Kuchisake-Onna, got it?” Yuzuru dropped his grey suitcase in front of Junhwan, raising an eyebrow in a threatening manner, making Junhwan nod rapidly, before getting back inside his taxi and driving away before Junhwan could react.

 

Later, he googled Kuchisake-Onna.

 

He hid Yuzuru’s suitcase inside his mum’s closet, to make sure it was in the safest spot in the entire house.

 

He wasn’t risking his post-retirement future career as a model and actor by making Yuzuru Hanyu mad.

  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru made his way through customs with his stomach in a knot.

 

He had seen Brian like, two seconds after he had finished checking in his luggage.

 

He had quickly turned around, lowered his hat and promptly walked away as fast as he could.

 

He had arrived with not too much time to spare, so he walked towards his gate with confidence, and was lucky enough to get there just as first class started boarding.

 

He sat in his seat, instantly trying to make himself as small and inconspicuous as he could.

 

Brian would be flying coach, perks of having the Spanish Skating Federation paying for your tickets, so that was lucky for Yuzuru. If it were the JSF, they would have insisted on either business or first class seats.

 

He winced as he thought about the amount of money the impromptu trip had costed.

 

On such late notice, he had only managed to find first class seats for all flights.

 

And the hotel he had found, after doing research to make sure it wouldn’t be the same one the competing skaters and staff would be staying in, had been pretty expensive as well, but it was 800 metres away from the stadium, and that was just extremely convenient.

 

_‘It’s okay, Yuzuru. You can just say yes to one of those shows that want you to appear, and do a couple more advertisements, and you’ve got this trip’s expenses covered.’_

 

Something told him his mother would not be thinking the same when she found out he was not actually staying the week at Junhwan’s house, but flying halfway across the world to watch his ex-training partner compete in complete anonymity.

  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru sighed in relief as he threw himself face first onto the bed.

 

He’d done it.

 

He had escaped the airport, and Brian, gotten a taxi, and checked into his hotel without being discovered.

 

He was dead tired.

 

The girl at the front desk had explained how to get to the stadium -simply follow the boulevard to the east for 800 metres, and he’d be there-, and he had made an attack plan, so he felt ready to face the crowds the next day.

 

He hoped his plan worked.

  
  
  
  


He winced when he saw his unknown-of super-secret-private Figure Skating Twitter fan account timeline was flooded with people moaning and sobbing about the Olympic Channel video.

  


**_‘When the Olympics game was over and this season began, I realised how special it was to practice with you. And of course I wanted to win in a competition but practicing with you was a motivation for my practice and skating. I know you are not coming back perfectly, same as normal, but I remember lots your performance and it was a moment they'll reward it, what we practice together. I will never forget your performance. Thank you for allowing me to come to Toronto. I'll respect you forever. Ganbatte Javi, vamos!’_ **

 

He couldn’t stop cringing as he watch himself butchering his words like an idiot, so bad they had added subtitles to make people able to understand what he was saying.

 

A random tweet caught his attention

 

**“Javi said he cried for Yuzu and Zhenya!”**

 

He shook his head.

 

Ridiculous. The lies people spread on Twitter.

  
  


He woke up the next day less tired, ordered room service for breakfast, trying to avoid being in public as much as he could to lower the chance of being discovered, and started to make his way to the stadium when he knew ice resurfacing was about to begin so there would be an intermission where we would be able to get in and seated. and then, only the last group would be left to skate.

 

He took out the envelope Javier had given him, and peeked inside again, smiling.

 

“Ticket, please.” He gave the volunteer one of the tickets he had just taken out of the envelope. “Right, your seat has been changed, so please follow me, I’ll guide you to it.”

 

If the apathetic volunteer found the asian guy dressed in a pair of skinny jeans, an oversized black winter coat and converse, and wearing a black mask, glasses and a black beanie, he said absolutely nothing.

 

He was guided to the first row, to sit next to a woman in a red coat.

 

_‘Wow, whoever the tickets were for, Javi really wanted them close to the ice.’_

 

He made himself tinier when he saw everyone coming out, his heart beating faster as he saw Javier looking tired and worn-out.

 

_‘Poor Javi. He has always  had lots of problems with jetlag. And people talk about Shoma. Ha’_

 

He watched the others skate, taking mental notes about their performance and filing the information away for Worlds,  wincing and clapping accordingly, but trying to remain as unseen as he could.

 

Not an easy thing, considering he saw himself on the jumbotron every single time they showed the coaches’ reactions to the programs.

 

And then, he lost focus completely. Javier and Brian were there.

 

He saw Javier go through his own personal rituals. Take off his jacket, hand it to Brian, eat his lemons, push back, skate to his starting position. Brian walked towards the designated coach area, and then, Javier started.

  
  
  
  
  


_‘I gave you back the sal. I really did. Sorry I also gave you the sneaky Rostelecom axel Javi.’_

  
  
  


Yuzuru couldn’t stop clapping, so proud of his Javier for a great performance. It had been almost perfect. He was just so proud.

 

Then, he saw the woman that was sitting next to him start to lean forward as Brian started making his way to the Kiss&Cry.

 

“Brian, can you take this?” She had asked, handing Brian a chipmunk dressed in Super Javi clothes. Totally cute, but also totally bad for him.

 

Because Brian looked up.

 

And saw him.

 

‘Shit, shit, shit. This is where I die.’

 

He could see in Brian’s eyes, he had been recognised.

 

But Brian said nothing, just took the chipmunk and kept walking.

 

He sighed in relief.

  
  


And then roared in disbelief.

 

91!? 91!? HOW IN THE WORLD WAS THAT SCORE RIGHT!?

 

HOW!?

 

He contained himself, not wanting to curse out loud and have people hear his voice, but he was boiling with rage.

 

He needed to get his hands on those protocols. He needed those protocols like, yesterday.

  
  
  
  


Yuzuru locked himself in a bathroom cubicle -this was becoming a tradition- and pulled up the protocols using the arena’s incredibly overpriced wifi.

 

_‘UR SAL? WHAT WAS THAT PERSON SMOKING!? THAT SAL WAS FULLY ROTATED. FULLY. ROTATED. This is bullshit. Bull. Shit’_

 

He opened Twitter to rant out his frustrations, but what he found surprised him even more.

 

**“Looks like Javi is out of fucks to give.”**

 

**“Javi spit fire. Damn, where has this guy been hiding the past 13 years?”**

 

**“Savage, he’s a savage. I stan a savage king, and I’m living”**

 

Huh, what had happened?

 

He pieced things together by finding bits and pieces of the press conference in different people’s tweets, and his mouth fell open in disbelief.

 

_‘Holy shit. Javi, what have you done?’_

  
  
  


Yuzuru opened the door to his cubicle and took a step out when he collided with someone else.

 

“Oh I’m sor…” He looked up and froze.

 

Shit. His luck had run out.

 

He had just run into Brian. Quite literally.

 

Brian had taken one look at him, walked to the main bathroom door, and locked it closed. Then, he turned around, and lifted a single eyebrow. It was terrifying.

  
He bit his lip.  
  
“Surprise?”  
  
“Goddammit, Yuzuru, how the fuck did you get here?”  
  
“Plane?” Brian scoffed at his answer.  
  
“I know that. But when!? You were supposed to be training!”  
  
“Same plane as you. Not my fault you do not see me.”  
  
Brian looked like he wanted to yell at him, his face a particularly concerning shade of red.  
  
“Yuzuru… Ugh, whatever, just… make sure no one finds out you’re here.” Yuzuru perked up, happy he wasn’t going to be put on a plane back to Toronto.  
  
“Don’t worry, Brian! I have plan!”

 

“Is your plan just going around until someone rips off your mask because you look too much like Yuzuru Hanyu?”

 

“I have plan if mask is not here, look!” Yuzuru took his mask off and it was Brian turned even redder.

 

“Is that a fake moustache? What the fuck are you doing Yuzuru?” He rubbed his temples. “I don’t get paid enough to deal with this shit.”

 

“Sorry Brian! I want support Javi in last competition! But secret, because people go crazy if find I’m here.”

 

Brian sighed, but nodded in understanding.

 

“Where did you get the tickets from?”

 

“Javi give as joke, but I use them for real.”

 

“Well, I can’t do anything about this, so I guess just… try to stay in your hotel as much as you can, this entire city is swarmed with skating fans, you’ll either get recognised or someone will start a rumor about you being here and you’re screwed.”

“No worry! I stay in hotel until FS.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


And that’s exactly what he did. He went back to the hotel as everyone started settling back to wait for Pairs to start, ordered room service, and watched Pairs in a stream he found online, all the while following Twitter for more Javier News in case something happened.

 

He was in the midst of typing an answer to one of his followers when he got the Line notification.

 

From: Javi ♥

**Am I crazy? Did you see what I saw?**

 

He instantly typed his response and sent it.

  
  


**I gave you back your Sal. Too bad someone needs new glasses.**

  
  
  
  


The next day, he followed Brian’s orders and stayed inside the entire day, ordering room services for every single meal.

 

After much thought, he had decided Javier, in his range, had been brilliant: Now the judges had no choice but to be fair with his score. Three things could happen: Javier skated clean, and got the score he deserved; Javier skated badly, and lost gold, or Javier skated clean, got punished for complaining and lost gold. That last bad would be a terrible move from the ISU if they pulled it. Javier was leaving, and he had been really explicit about the fact that if he went down, he had no problem taking the ISU with him.

Saying Yuzuru was terrified for the FS was an understatement.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


With his disguise in place, he sat down next to the same woman with the red coat as he had for the SP, nodding hello, just as the last group took the ice to warm up.

 

He breathed deeply, and prepared himself for what was coming.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Once again, seeing Javier on the ice, in a competition, from the stands instead of backstage in a small tv screen as he either warmed up or waited for the competition to be over was so completely different.

 

Javier was breathtaking, standing in the middle of the ice, face serious and focused.

 

The music started.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


And Yuzuru  was sure he died and came back to life four minutes later.

 

He had been perfect. Completely perfect. Not one mistake in sight, jumps fully rotated, deep knees on the landings, perfect edges, and components.

 

He had told his story.

 

He wasn’t playing Don Quijote on the ice.

 

He had told the tale of Javier Fernandez.

 

Yuzuru might've been crying, but so was everyone else, so who cared.

 

Once again, the woman next to him handed Brian another chipmunk, and Brian took it with a laugh.

  
  
  
  


He jumped to his feet together with the rest of the audience as the score was announced. It was huge. It was fair.

 

It was what that skate deserved.

  
  
  
  
  


_‘Wait, what the hell. The bastard managed to break my record with the last skate of his career. Only Javier Fernandez.’_

  
  
  
  
  


As they waited for the podium to be placed and the medal ceremony preparations to be over, the woman next to him touched his arm, and he turned to face her.

 

“This is yours.” She handed him his beanie, and his eyes widened when he realised it had fallen off his head. He quickly shoved it back on

 

“Thank you.”

 

He saw her eyes narrowing, and then going wide as saucers.

 

Damn.

 

He had been recognised.

  


“Are you...” She started asking and then stopped, looking around. She leant closer to whisper instead. “Yuzuru?”

 

He nodded.

 

“Please don’t tell.”

 

She instantly smiled, and held her finger to her lips.

 

He felt relief.

 

He was lucky it was chipmunk lady he had gotten next to him, and not some crazy skater stalker that would post private conversations and harrass skaters for pictures.

 

He knew far too many of those.

 

“Want a picture? Please don’t post”

 

“Oh, sure! I didn’t want to be invasive and ask for one.”

 

He nodded, and she quickly snapped a couple pictures of the two of them.

“Thank you!”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He smiled as he saw Javier staring at his Gold medal.  
  
He was so happy, he was so proud.  
  
‘I love that man so much, it’s not even funny.’  
  
Javier looked like he was glowing from the inside as he started his victory lap, waving around.

 

He looked up as he skated in front of Yuzuru, looked up, and froze.

 

Their eyes locked. His lips moved.

 

_Yuzu_

 

He was prompted to start moving by the other medallists, but Yuzuru could tell he was still shell-shocked.

 

Time to leave.

  


He made his way out, he was almost outside the arena, when he collided with a girl, and his glasses and beanie fell.

 

He heard her gasp and quickly leant down to grab both fallen objects, grounding himself before looking up.

 

“YUZURU HANYU!!!” The scream was so loud, everyone in the vicinity turned around and stared at him.

 

And the screams started.

 

So he did the only logical thing.

 

He run.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He was lucky he was an elite athlete with not so bad stamina and fast reflexes.

 

He run the 800 metres back to his hotel as quickly as he could, managing to lose anyone following him.

 

He sat on the floor as soon as he got into his room, and quickly opened his bag, fishing his inhaler out and taking a few puffs, trying to normalise his breathing.

 

He was an elite athlete, yes, but he was also asthmatic.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


From: Javi♥

**Where are you**

 

**Victoria Olimp Hotel. Room 3007**

 

From: Javi♥

**I’ll be there as soon as I’m done with everything.**

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Three knocks on the door.

 

Yuzuru took a deep breath, and opened it, stepping aside to let Javier in.

 

He closed the door, taking a few seconds to calm himself before he turned around.

 

Javier was standing in the middle of his hotel room, looking at him. Face stern.

 

“Hi Javi.” He said softly, barely more than a whisper.

 

Javier’s eyes softened, and his lips moved a little, before he closed the distance between the two to grab Yuzuru and pull him into a hug.

 

“Hi Yuzu.” He shivered at the way Javier said his name. “How did you get here?”

 

“By plane.” Yuzuru squacked as Javier pinched his side.

 

“Very funny. You know what I’m asking.”

 

“Javi is here. This is Javi last competition. I come to cheer on best friend. I’m proud of you. You did great, and now you’re leaving on high note.”

 

Javier tightened his hold around Yuzuru, almost desperately.

 

“What Javi do here? I think you have party with parents and girlfriend for win.”

 

“My parents understand that I’m so tired, I wouldn’t last past dinner, so we just agreed to have lunch tomorrow.” He broke the hug, lifting his hand to rub at the back of Yuzuru’s neck. “And I don’t have a girlfriend Yuzu, not anymore. We broke up.”

 

Yuzuru looked at Javier, head tilted like a confuse puppy, and suddenly, he remembered.

 

The tickets.

 

 **_“Well, they were given to me to give to someone special. Originally, I thought of giving them to someone else. But not long ago, I began to realise that I needed to give them to you.”_ ** **_  
  
_ **

 

“Javi, what…Tickets were for girlfriend?” Javier nodded. “But you give them to me when you end? Why?”

 

“What I’m about to say is stupid, and it might ruin everything, and maybe I’m high off a win, but.. “ Javier looked into his eyes. “I broke up with her because the second I got the tickets, the only thing I could think about was about how much I would miss you, and how much it would mean to me to have the person I’ve been in love with for years here for the last skate of my career.” Yuzuru’s eyes watered. “I’m sorry for dumping this onto you, and I’ll understand if you tell me you don’t want to see me again in your lif...”

 

Yuzuru cut his words with a kiss.

 

He kept the contact chaste, sweet, and tentative, only to gasp when he felt Javier’s hands grab both his cheeks to pull him closer, kissing him more passionately. They broke the kiss to breathe, Yuzuru leaning his forehead against Javier’s.

 

“I buy last minute ticket to Europe, tell mum I stay with Jun and Jun tell Ghislain I sick because I want to see love of my life and support in last skate.”

 

Javier laughed, hugging Yuzuru closer, and kissing him.

Again.

 

And again.

 

And again.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


They were lying side by side in Yuzuru’s bed, fully clothed and just staring at each other.

 

“Yuzu...”

 

“Hmmm?”

 

“Did you really wear a fake moustache under the mask? Because I can’t stop picturing you with a Mariachi moustache”

 

Yuzuru hit him with a pillow to shut him up.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


“Are you sure this is okay?”

 

“Yuzu, everyone knows you’re here. It’s all over Twitter. People have nicknamed you Usain Hanyu for how fast you run away, or Yuzuru Houdini for how you disappeared into thin air.”

 

“Yes, can’t put moustache back on and go to seat. I get killed by fans”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Yuzuru smiled softly as he saw Javier skating Prometo.

 

“This was about you. About how we never started but I thought I had already lost you.”

 

“You never lose me. I always with you.”

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


_MARCH 2021_

_Toronto_

  
  
  
  


“Mi vida...” Yuzuru turned around, looking at Javier from where he was lying in bed petting Effie. “Look what I found while unpacking my things.”

 

Yuzuru laughed.

 

“My notebook!” Javier smiled softly, and Yuzuru looked at him suspiciously. “Javi, did you read it?”

 

“I wasn’t going to, but I accidentally dropped it and read the katakana for my name, and couldn’t help myself…”

 

“You learning japanese was worst idea ever.”

 

“You love me talking japanese.”

 

“I do.”

 

“Now back to the notebook.” Javier sat on the bed, and Yuzuru scooted closer until he could lie his head on his fiance’s lap. “What did you write?”

 

“It’s full of things that make me happy in the past. It’s mostly things you do everyday when we training together.” Yuzuru grabbed Javier’s hand and started playing with his engagement ring. “I think I knew I have crush on Javi for long, ignore because it easier.”

 

Javier smiled, leaning down to kiss Yuzuru lovingly.

 

“I love you so much.” Javier whispered into his lips.”

 

“I love you too.”

 

**Author's Note:**

> EDITED AFTER Euros Men FP: YAAAAY! JAVI WON! 
> 
> I might write a little something to go along with this as celebration!


End file.
